Smiles

Why must we, and by we I mean me...I'm working on it though, always bring others around us down? Why do we have to make it Paige: Pity Party of 8 rather than just Paige: Party of 1. Emphasis on the PARTY! Most people I know are very obvious about their bad days. They slump, the slouch, they complain, they sigh and moan and on and on till one cannot ignore it any longer. Then comes the sob story, then two people are left in yucky, grumpy moods. Or they throw their yuck attitude onto everyone else. Just because I'm having a bad day doesn't mean I have the right to ruin everyone else's. If someone is having a bad day and they need to talk it out, go for it! I'm all for that, but pushing a mopey attitude onto someone else just isn't fair. I know that sometimes I have trouble with this and I am working on it. It's written on my mirror so I see it every day when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. It's a nice reminder that I'm not the only one here. Everyone has their bad days here and there, but remember, keep it positive :) Smile darn ya, Smile!

Summertime Sadness

As I am starting to begin life on my own, I have come to realize that I have absolutely NO plan whatsoever. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want to be. I don't know where I want to go. I am lost in a sea of desperation, the waves crashing over my head, suffocating me, blocking out all forms of light.

I am in total darkness.

Where do I go, where do I turn?
Where do I even begin?!

Find yourself.
Finding myself.
How does one even go about finding herself?
Play hide and seek? No.

Here is what i like:
-food (chicken and chocolate mostly)
-sparkles
-polka dots
-cats
-fuzzy and/or soft things
-boys
-a good book
-Princess Bride
-my wonderful sister (she made me say this...but I'll admit, I do like her a little :p)
-crafts
-smiles
-making people happy
-cupcakes
-baking
-clothes
-school (i like school a lot...)
-soccer. I love soccer.
-music
-sports
-quotes
-kids
-a good cry
-good movies
-storms
-cuddling
-my Bible

Here is what I don't like:
-vegetables
-especially green ones
-stupid ends to movies *cough* 500 Days of Summer *cough*
-unhappy people
-grumpy/rude people
-when people are standing right there and don't hold the door open for the little old lady behind them
-arguments
-periods
-words i can't spell
-sketchy people

Now where do I go from here? Am I passionate about anything? As horrible as it sounds...not really. If I could do anything with my life (no restrictions on time, money, or talent) here's what i would do.

1. Grow up (or not) and get married, start a family of my own. Raise my awesome children (2 boys and a girl) and give my family the world. Once my own children I have birthed are all grown up I want to adopt foster children (especially high school, I've heard that that's when it's the hardest) and raise them and help them get into college and be their awesome mom and be there for them and do something for these kids that had nothing.

2. Go to school. Forever. I love school. And learning, I could learn for forever. I'm such an inquisitive person, always asking questions, always. Sometimes just for the purpose of conversation, mostly because I'm intrigued, or confused, or I want to know more. Everything is just so interesting, I want to know it all.

So now what?
Who am I?

I'M JEAN VAL JEAN!!!!!!!!

lol Les Mis reference :) i hope someone in the world appreciated that.
But in all seriousness.
How does one even begin to find out ANY of this?
Personality quizzes online? Tried that...noooope.
Every online quiz I have taken just says, oh, you like cats, awesome, be an old cat lady.
I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE.
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING.
I WANT TO IMPACT SOMEONE'S LIFE.

The moon is the answer, the stars are my guide, but the night sky is covered with clouds tonight.

Lights, Camera, Action

And the drama begins. Throughout life, we live on the drama. We thrive on it; it is the bane of our existence. Where would we be if it weren't for the drama? Students are a prime example of this. Never, or rarely I should say, do students take the initiative to actually do their homework in a timely fashion. When it comes to online homework, deadline: 11:59 pm, students wait till 11 or even 11:30 to start. Oh you have to have a critical analysis over a whole book? So "I'll" probably start the book at around 9 pm the day before it'd due..... right, cause that makes a whole lot of sense. "I work best under pressure." That age old line is a load of B.S. We don't work better under pressure, we just love the drama of not knowing whether we're going to make it by the deadline or not. We love the stories we can tell because we were up all night writing this paper that was assigned a month ago.

How about gossip? Where is the fun  in that? Please let me know, because I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Who is gossip fun for? Definitely not the person being talked about, I know that for a fact, as I'm sure every girl on the planet does. And it's not fun for whoever has to put up with it either. People always seem to gossip about someone to the gossipee's friends. WHY. who does that even make sense to? You know they're just going to run over and tell Sarah or Jane or Kylie or whoever it might be. But why do we go tell Sarah or Jane or Kylie what Suzie Q. said???? We want the drama, we want to see the anger, the humiliation, the sorrow. We want to hear how Kylie hates Suzie because she stole her boyfriend and made out with every guy on the baseball team, we want to hear the evil secrets in return.

Every single day, i envision and create these new dramas in my head. They are my paranoid nightmares that I think will somehow, some way, come true, no matter how unrealistic they are. I see myself being taken, I see friendships being ruined, people thinking or talking bad about me when I'm trying to help. I see relationships breaking, I worry that what I am doing isn't good enough or that I am not good enough for people who have chosen to be a part of my life. They are there for a reason, yet I can't help but to expect that one day everyone will pick up and leave; I will be alone, with no support. These dramatics overtake my life.

Yes, there's the bad drama, but there is also good. Drama for entertainment. Real drama, not the made up/half real lives of stereotypical housewifes in some major city or amish children breakin out against their beliefs. We go to movies, we read books, for the drama too, for the adventure. To see superman smash through a brick wall and save the damsel in distress, to see the poor, disadvantaged young woman beat the odds and become a successful business woman, wife, whatever she aspires to be. We see inspirational drama. We live in the drama. Every day, actors all over the country and world pour their souls into this life of drama. They do it to inspire, to create, to show their passion, to feel, to love, to share a wonderful creation or story.

The drama of our lives controls us. It leads every decision we make. What will people think if I do this or that. Will I be able to pay that bill on time? Maybe I'll get fired for this but hey, i like to live on the edge. I guess, to an extent, drama can be good. It can inspire us and push us to be better, so long as we harness this good drama and remove the negative. Curtain up! It's time to get this show on the road!

To Share or Not to Share, That is the Question

Often in life we come across many opportunities to voice our opinions. In this great country we are privileged enough to have freedom of speech. I wonder if I take full advantage of this right that I am lucky enough to have. Many a time I have been asked, confronted, put in situations where it is certainly appropriate to share my views. On life, on politics, on situational matters, even just the daily chatter of what is happening in our society today. No matter the situation, I hold my tongue. I, for the most part anyway, try to tell people what they want to hear. I don't know what to do about it. Yes, I should speak my mind, but what if doing that causes everyone I'm working with (on a project or something similar) to hate me, to automatically shut me down, to hate me, to mock me, to be rude to me. I'd like to have as little enemies as possible in this life. I don't want some silly little opinion of mine to affect the way someone feels about me before knowing that one opinion. I'm such a people pleaser. I am working so hard and trying to learn how to voice my opinions and how I feel about things while a) sounding intelligent and well-versed and b) not stepping on peoples' toes. Why let something petty ruin a friendship or the like? I'm slowly beginning to understand that no matter what I do, someone, somewhere won't like me, won't agree with me, may even hate me or my ideas, the standards I live by, or even just the friends I have. I feel this come up most commonly around gossip. First, let me just say, you may judge me for gossiping if you can honestly say you never have (so that would be no one). Especially when you're stuck in the middle, friends of two opposing sides. What if you see and understand both sides. What if you just hate conflict. What if you'd rather not gossip about it at all and you hate confrontation? I'm not the type to be able to say "hey, let's just not" without feeling guilty for some bizzaro unknown reason. It also seems so hard to me to understand when it is appropriate to share how I feel, especially if it will cause conflict. This is one of my greatest faults. I am a people pleaser. I am trying so hard to start to stand up not only for myself, but for what I believe in as well. I will try NOT to sit idly by as others lead life for me.

We Live For Each Other and for Alpha Delta Pi

All this week I get to represent Theta Xi one of the newest collegiate chapters of Alpha Delta Pi at our International Grand Convention. The event is held every other summer; this year, the beautiful city of Dallas, Tx is hosting! I am beyond excited and honored to be here with three of my other wonderful sisters. I am so fortunate to have been blessed with this wonderful opportunity. Last night my sister Brighton and I got to sing in front of the entire grand convention body including members of Grand Council to begin this week's celebrations. So far I have gotten to meet some truly amazing women, learned how to rope (just a teeny bit), and share some already amazing experiences with my Theta Xi sisters (and yesterday was only day one!!!) I am so proud of my sisters of Theta Xi; we have all worked so hard to come so far in such a short amount of time and I feel so blessed to call them mine (clever because Brighton sang an AMAZING rendition of Martina McBride's "I Just Call You Mine" last night). Abbey got to celebrate the first day of her double dose birthdays and won a door prize! (and won a really cute purse! maybe I'm a little jealous) Kalisa got to escort to dinner one of the most extraordinary women I have ever been privileged to meet, Mrs. Linda Welch Ablard. Theta Xi has really made a presence here at Grand Convention and makes me SO excited to see what we are capable in the years to come.

Post singing at convention! SO EXCITED!!

Brighton and I throwing up diamonds!

This morning starts a new day filled with many new friendships to make and adventures to have. Abbey's birthday: round 2 coming up! Abbey and I are both carrying flags in the processional for dormant chapters and Kalisa will be proudly carrying Theta Xi's flag! How exciting! Today starts a whole new day filled with friends, fun, business meetings, lunches, dinners, songs, and beautiful sisters. I am so blessed to have been given the opportunity to come to this wonderful event. I want to say thank you to our 2012-2013 leadership consultants: Ashley, for truly introducing me to the wonderful world of Alpha Delta Pi, Mary, for being the most amazing, uplifting, inspiring women I have ever met. I am so beyond thankful for her friendship and sisterhood, and all of the other wonderful leadership consultants I have gotten to meet on this amazing journey. I'd also like to thank the members of Grand Council, and Anne, for asking me to sing at this momentous occasion. Last night truly blew me away. My heart nor my head can express the awe, amazement, and gratitude I feel today. I am so incredibly blessed to be here. We Live For Each Other and for Alpha Delta Pi.

Food For Thought pt. 2

~live life without regrets

~take chances

~dare to dream

~stay up all night

~get swept away by love

~dont ever give up

~make mistakes

~shine brighter than the stars

~cherish the cliches of this world

~laugh at yourself

~remember the good times but dont let them get in the way of your future

~your future is bright

~take the world by storm

~believe in yourself

Poetry

Well hello again. Sorry I've been gone for so long! Didja miss me? So obviously I haven't blogged in awhile, I was kind of waiting for something newsworthy to happen, however we both know that my life is far from newsworthy.

Anywhoooo.

So I've been starting to write. Actually write, not blog about my pointless life shenanigans. But it's only poems and songs. And they're all either very Taylor Swift-esque and I have no life I just want to be loved blah blah blah or very depressing and sad (same thing, I know, sue me).

There's a part of me that wants to share my writing, however, we both know that that is incredibly nerve-racking  to have someone read your work, especially if you don't know who the heck the person reading it is... so I'll just share something I wrote in my sophomore English class to test the waters.
Disclaimer: It's really lame and cheesy but I'm not going to share the one I think is really good. So there's that..

English Poem (that's the title, embarrassing huh?)
I had to write a poem
for my English class.
I thought to myself,
"wow - I don't stand a chance"

I sat there and thought
and I got one line done.
I looked down at my paper,
I had finally begun!

I just started writing,
then I couldn't stop,
all my new poems in a pile
with this one on top.

So I sat there and read
and I read there and thought
and when I chose what to read
I chose this and said, "Why not?"

So this is the poem
I'm reading to you.
I hope that you like it
because I know that I do.

Bahahahaha cheesy huh??? TOLD YOU.
I think I like writing, if I ever really had the time and patience to just sit and write. Or if I had anything to say (again, which is why I haven't blogged in awhile)

Well I hope you have all had a wonderful day. :)