Summertime Sadness

As I am starting to begin life on my own, I have come to realize that I have absolutely NO plan whatsoever. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want to be. I don't know where I want to go. I am lost in a sea of desperation, the waves crashing over my head, suffocating me, blocking out all forms of light.

I am in total darkness.

Where do I go, where do I turn?
Where do I even begin?!

Find yourself.
Finding myself.
How does one even go about finding herself?
Play hide and seek? No.

Here is what i like:
-food (chicken and chocolate mostly)
-sparkles
-polka dots
-cats
-fuzzy and/or soft things
-boys
-a good book
-Princess Bride
-my wonderful sister (she made me say this...but I'll admit, I do like her a little :p)
-crafts
-smiles
-making people happy
-cupcakes
-baking
-clothes
-school (i like school a lot...)
-soccer. I love soccer.
-music
-sports
-quotes
-kids
-a good cry
-good movies
-storms
-cuddling
-my Bible

Here is what I don't like:
-vegetables
-especially green ones
-stupid ends to movies *cough* 500 Days of Summer *cough*
-unhappy people
-grumpy/rude people
-when people are standing right there and don't hold the door open for the little old lady behind them
-arguments
-periods
-words i can't spell
-sketchy people

Now where do I go from here? Am I passionate about anything? As horrible as it sounds...not really. If I could do anything with my life (no restrictions on time, money, or talent) here's what i would do.

1. Grow up (or not) and get married, start a family of my own. Raise my awesome children (2 boys and a girl) and give my family the world. Once my own children I have birthed are all grown up I want to adopt foster children (especially high school, I've heard that that's when it's the hardest) and raise them and help them get into college and be their awesome mom and be there for them and do something for these kids that had nothing.

2. Go to school. Forever. I love school. And learning, I could learn for forever. I'm such an inquisitive person, always asking questions, always. Sometimes just for the purpose of conversation, mostly because I'm intrigued, or confused, or I want to know more. Everything is just so interesting, I want to know it all.

So now what?
Who am I?

I'M JEAN VAL JEAN!!!!!!!!

lol Les Mis reference :) i hope someone in the world appreciated that.
But in all seriousness.
How does one even begin to find out ANY of this?
Personality quizzes online? Tried that...noooope.
Every online quiz I have taken just says, oh, you like cats, awesome, be an old cat lady.
I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE.
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING.
I WANT TO IMPACT SOMEONE'S LIFE.

The moon is the answer, the stars are my guide, but the night sky is covered with clouds tonight.

The Question Game

What do you do when people say "follow your heart; do something you love" but the one thing you thought you loved for the past 5 or 6 years you recently discovered you don't love anymore. What makes you happy? blah blah blah. So I'm on the path to self discovery and I've found that in order to find yourself you kind of need to have some insight into yourself (which I have none of) so I found this list of questions and I'm going to answer them all for you. In case you were curious. kcooool.

So this is from a website called career center. It's obviously then about picking a career, not a major, which is what I need, but I figure, it's somewhere to start right?

1) What are my priorities when picking a career? Happiness- I want to be happy in whatever job I do. Also money- yeah, it sounds stuck up. I was spoiled as a kid; I want to spoil my kids.

2) What are my interests? Well, I like soccer, athletics, kids, making other people happy, baking, singing, dancing, laughing

3) Do I have dreams and ambitions? No...? To get married, have a family, be able to spoil them, make them happy, have a job-be successful in that job, love my family with all my heart

4) What are my inborn talents? Good question... um. I can read? does that count? No...I guess I have a pretty good voice... I'm good at knowing absolutely nothing about myself, assuming responsibility over a group (like group projects, etc. etc.)

5) What are my skills? I am good at soccer, sleeping, or staying up till 3 am...

6) Am I willing to pay for the price for a particular job when picking a career? What does that even mean? I suppose it depends on the price 

7) What are my likes and dislikes? I don't know, I'm an 18 year old girl, the things I like are clothes and kittens and puppies and boys and shoes and my family and friends.

8) How much do I need to earn? Enough to spoil my family

9) Where do I want to live? California

10) What lifestyle do I want? A comfortable, laid back but not like hippie/druggie/don't have a care in the world laid back, just normal, like I was raised.

11) What motivates me? My boyfriend, as stupid as that sounds but he is one of the only people that actually motivates me, my dad, I just want to make him happy, specific things, like I want to earn my playing time for soccer and play in every game (which I did, wooo!)

12) What is my long-term plan in picking a career? Find something somewhere in the world that I love.

13) Why do I need a career change at this point in my life? Because I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life...

14) What has sparked my interest in this field? WHAT FIELD?!?!?!?! I haven't said a field yet....

15) Could I do volunteer work in this area to test-drive the potential career?  I could... If I had a particular field that I knew I was talking about

16) Will I need to further my education to do this work? Good question, again, still have no clue what this work even is yet

17) Am I willing to start at the bottom and work my way up? Probably should be, working on being able to say yes to this one

18) How much job security do I need to make the switch? I wanna know that I'm not gonna lose my job for quite awhile so I can have a steady and successful job to support my family.

19) Do I have a support system to deal with the risk and changes this will create in my life? My family, my best friend, my boyfriend, so yes. 

20) How much longer do I want to be in the workforce? Probably for a very long time, at least to retirement I'm sure, I think I would be way too bored with my life if I didn't keep working. 

So here's the thing. I did all this right? I'm not really sure it has helped me at all, but hey, now you know some fun facts about me, I play soccer, I want a family, that's all the insight I've had into myself for a long long time. Hopefully something good will come out of this.