When will my reflection show...(right now).

As the semester has come o a close, it only seems fitting that there be a time of reflection (aka now). I suppose there are really only three major things I feel I should reflect on. Now this is not necessary at all, nor is it necessary that you read these; however, I feel like looking back, you can learn from where you have been or just reminisce on awesome things that happened, and both of these options are equally cool.

So number 1. School. HOW EXCITING. Except not really. Okay, not at all. I mean, don't get me wrong, school is great and all and learning is swell. But school really sucks. Particularly because I didn't do as well as I had hoped this semester. Not saying my grades were bad by any means (unless you're asking me or my father - I got the "I'm disappointed talk" - I mean, I'm a typical A student with B's here and there). I was still above agerage, so I suppose thats okay. BUT, I will say that I have learned (while in the past it has been okay for me and I have slid by), procrastinating things is really dumb and actually really sucks. Also, in a not sassy but just honest and true way, I didn't learn anything this year. So you say, "you learned absolutely nothing?" Okay, of course I learned something. I learned that even though I didn't pay much attention in Humanities, I retained some of the information to win Trivia Crack questions about art. I learned that a group and a team are the same thing but in a management class the definition differs by a few insignificant words (almost like a "the vs. a" sort of thing) and therefore "has a completely different meaning". I learned that there are 5 core marketing principles (don't ask me what they are, because according to Dr. Yoon, no I "do not understand"). Oh. Okay, I did learn one thing, and I thought it was pretty cool. I learned about mapping out a project for project management, which was cool. I think I only liked it because it was the ONLY thing I actually DID all semester (as in everything else was concepts and little to no execution, or discussion, or hands on, etc.).

That being sais, at the start of the semester, and really all last year, I was pretty cool with being a business major and then, eventually, obviously working in business. But after this semester, I'm not so sure. Now, perhaps that has to do with my performance this year, but looking at it, what do I want to spend the rest of my life "doing". In business, would I actually even be doing anything?? I suppose that's the real question. I don't want to spend my life not using my brain behind a desk in a cube of an office for the next 40 years. So I've got some thinking to do on that one.

Number 2. The good ol' anterior cruciate ligament. How fun. Especially when it tears. So if you don't know already, tear in ACL = MRI. MRI says just the tear = surgery. Paige doped up. Doc: "we found two tears in your meniscus that didn't show up on the MRI" = "crutches for 6 weeks" = h8ing life for a long time. BUT. Honestly it hasn't been that bad. Yeah, don't get me wrong. Crutches definitely suck, and I miss not being able to run. Wait, what? That's right, I said it. I MISS BEING ABLE TO RUN. 2 more months and I'll be able to run. And I couldn't be more excited. Maybe that's weird. I don't care.

This event in life has really changed my outlook on everything and given me an appreciation for the littlest things. Like being able to stand on two feet. Or functioning on your own. And if I didn't realize it before, I have some truly amazing people in my life. And I knew they were great and wonderful before I tore my ACL, but it's been proven in ways I cannot explain. These people in my life are what hold me up (literally) and mentally and emotionally and any other way you could think of.

My best friend goes to physical therapy with me. I mean, who does that?? Okay mainly it's because we're never apart so it would be inconvenient not to, BUT STILL. And sometimes it's hard because I have this whole new piece in my leg that I have to make function like I've had it for 20 years in 6 months. And she's always there supporting me. And that's an unbelievable feeling.

And finally, number 3. 100 Days.

There are now two parts to this 100 days.

3. a) I started a challenge in late July to post what made me happy for 100 days. Yesterday was my 149th post. I can't stop, nor do I want to. As cheesy as it sounds, this has actually made me happier. Life is happy. Sometimes life will getcha down, I get that. It gets me too, trust me. But overall, I'd say my general perception of life is grand. It's great. http://turning394paiges.tumblr.com/
This is what happy is.

3. b) It has been *officially* 100 days since my friendship with this lil' nugget began. And it is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. 512% true. And there is no hope of me doing justice to her character by my feeble attempts to explain how extraordinary this woman is. So here is a list of words to describe her, but it only skims the surface of her soul.

A: adorable
B: beloved
C: captivating
D: dependable
E: enchanting, extraordinary
F: forever
G: godly
H: hardworking
I: irreplaceable
J: joyful
K: kind
L: loyal, limitless
M: meaningful
N: nuggetO: outstanding
P: passionate
Q: quirky
R: reliable
S: strong
T: tubular
U: unparalleled
V: vibrant
W: witty
X: x-factor
Y: youthful
Z: zesty

p.s. Happy Christmas Eve eve

Summertime Sadness

As I am starting to begin life on my own, I have come to realize that I have absolutely NO plan whatsoever. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want to be. I don't know where I want to go. I am lost in a sea of desperation, the waves crashing over my head, suffocating me, blocking out all forms of light.

I am in total darkness.

Where do I go, where do I turn?
Where do I even begin?!

Find yourself.
Finding myself.
How does one even go about finding herself?
Play hide and seek? No.

Here is what i like:
-food (chicken and chocolate mostly)
-sparkles
-polka dots
-cats
-fuzzy and/or soft things
-boys
-a good book
-Princess Bride
-my wonderful sister (she made me say this...but I'll admit, I do like her a little :p)
-crafts
-smiles
-making people happy
-cupcakes
-baking
-clothes
-school (i like school a lot...)
-soccer. I love soccer.
-music
-sports
-quotes
-kids
-a good cry
-good movies
-storms
-cuddling
-my Bible

Here is what I don't like:
-vegetables
-especially green ones
-stupid ends to movies *cough* 500 Days of Summer *cough*
-unhappy people
-grumpy/rude people
-when people are standing right there and don't hold the door open for the little old lady behind them
-arguments
-periods
-words i can't spell
-sketchy people

Now where do I go from here? Am I passionate about anything? As horrible as it sounds...not really. If I could do anything with my life (no restrictions on time, money, or talent) here's what i would do.

1. Grow up (or not) and get married, start a family of my own. Raise my awesome children (2 boys and a girl) and give my family the world. Once my own children I have birthed are all grown up I want to adopt foster children (especially high school, I've heard that that's when it's the hardest) and raise them and help them get into college and be their awesome mom and be there for them and do something for these kids that had nothing.

2. Go to school. Forever. I love school. And learning, I could learn for forever. I'm such an inquisitive person, always asking questions, always. Sometimes just for the purpose of conversation, mostly because I'm intrigued, or confused, or I want to know more. Everything is just so interesting, I want to know it all.

So now what?
Who am I?

I'M JEAN VAL JEAN!!!!!!!!

lol Les Mis reference :) i hope someone in the world appreciated that.
But in all seriousness.
How does one even begin to find out ANY of this?
Personality quizzes online? Tried that...noooope.
Every online quiz I have taken just says, oh, you like cats, awesome, be an old cat lady.
I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE.
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING.
I WANT TO IMPACT SOMEONE'S LIFE.

The moon is the answer, the stars are my guide, but the night sky is covered with clouds tonight.

The Apple Tree My Prison

duh duh duhhhhh.
So it's finals week. And its 4 in the morning. And I obviously should be studying. But really, who does that anymore these days?? So I thought I'd just see if I have anything interesting to say instead. However, i don't think I do.
Really though, I know about zero people who actually, legitimately study, weeks in advance for tests, finals, etc. Other than that, everyone crams. Maybe that works? Hey, I do it so I should know right? Ehh.. debatable.
I'm moving out of my favorite place in the world tomorrow! The dorms! Oh how I will miss them so!
and here's your sign.
It is amazing to me how quickly this year went by. It seems only yesterday I was at my first day of training camp for soccer, and now I'm here, already preparing for next year. And by that I don't mean right now. Obviously, since its 4 a.m. and I'm "studying for biology." I really should be, I could pull out an A. All of it is stuff I should know though. The questions won't be anything like what's in the book, or what we talked about in class, as usual, so I guess we'll see how it goes?
Oh, and there's still psychology left to do. Except that's a partner final. And I'm actually really good at that class. Like... really good. Which is kind of weird to me. Good thing there's not much to do with psychology unless you get a doctorate. Not about that life. But I do think that it is incredibly interesting. I however, am in search of something that is both practical and satisfying. Which leaves me very slim pickings...

Let's say life is an apple tree, and the apples in this case are jobs. I don't want to pick an apple from the bottom of the tree, everyone picks those, they aren't anything special, just your generic red apple. They're so easy to get to, everyone has them. Your general business and marketing degrees, public relations, you get the gist. Why would I want that apple. Then there's the apples at the top of the tree. Psychologists, philosophers, those types of professions. How often do those get picked??? Rarely. Not many people are in search of those apples. We're looking for some middle ground (or middle tree) here. Something not everyone gets, but not something outrageous. However, keep in mind, I'm not going to want to cut up this apple or make sure it is approved by the FDA, I don't want to argue or persuade anyone for or about my apple. I just want to eat it and enjoy it. Is that too much to ask? If only there was an appledicator (like an eggdicator from Willy Wonka...anyone? no? okay.) that was specific to me. I could pick any apple, set it on the appledicator, and it would toss any one that was not the perfect job (apple) for me. Now I'm really not sure where this metaphor is going... but really, shouldn't we have already come up with something that assesses each person's strengths and weaknesses along with their likes and dislikes and create (or even just find) the perfect job for them? That would be nice to have.

Anyone read Coleridge's The Lime Tree Bower My Prison? It's actually pretty good. The apple tree is my prison. And I'm hoping that soon a rook will fly by and give me some answer or direction or something to get out of this prison. Yeah if you think about it, my weird metaphor could be really beautiful. I can pick absolutely any apple I want. Look at how many there are, all so sweet and crispy, all perfect and unique. That's beautiful right? NO. Why can't one just hit me on the head and say, "Paige, this is what you are supposed to do with your life, get started." I'm not a decision maker. So many apples, so many choices, that is my prison. I can't escape decision making.

Anywho, now that I've gone off on some random tangent about apples and my career and I'm sure it made little to no sense to the .000001% of the population reading this (thanks by the way ☺) I think it's time for me to get back to work.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away?