Smiles

Why must we, and by we I mean me...I'm working on it though, always bring others around us down? Why do we have to make it Paige: Pity Party of 8 rather than just Paige: Party of 1. Emphasis on the PARTY! Most people I know are very obvious about their bad days. They slump, the slouch, they complain, they sigh and moan and on and on till one cannot ignore it any longer. Then comes the sob story, then two people are left in yucky, grumpy moods. Or they throw their yuck attitude onto everyone else. Just because I'm having a bad day doesn't mean I have the right to ruin everyone else's. If someone is having a bad day and they need to talk it out, go for it! I'm all for that, but pushing a mopey attitude onto someone else just isn't fair. I know that sometimes I have trouble with this and I am working on it. It's written on my mirror so I see it every day when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. It's a nice reminder that I'm not the only one here. Everyone has their bad days here and there, but remember, keep it positive :) Smile darn ya, Smile!

Summertime Sadness

As I am starting to begin life on my own, I have come to realize that I have absolutely NO plan whatsoever. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want to be. I don't know where I want to go. I am lost in a sea of desperation, the waves crashing over my head, suffocating me, blocking out all forms of light.

I am in total darkness.

Where do I go, where do I turn?
Where do I even begin?!

Find yourself.
Finding myself.
How does one even go about finding herself?
Play hide and seek? No.

Here is what i like:
-food (chicken and chocolate mostly)
-sparkles
-polka dots
-cats
-fuzzy and/or soft things
-boys
-a good book
-Princess Bride
-my wonderful sister (she made me say this...but I'll admit, I do like her a little :p)
-crafts
-smiles
-making people happy
-cupcakes
-baking
-clothes
-school (i like school a lot...)
-soccer. I love soccer.
-music
-sports
-quotes
-kids
-a good cry
-good movies
-storms
-cuddling
-my Bible

Here is what I don't like:
-vegetables
-especially green ones
-stupid ends to movies *cough* 500 Days of Summer *cough*
-unhappy people
-grumpy/rude people
-when people are standing right there and don't hold the door open for the little old lady behind them
-arguments
-periods
-words i can't spell
-sketchy people

Now where do I go from here? Am I passionate about anything? As horrible as it sounds...not really. If I could do anything with my life (no restrictions on time, money, or talent) here's what i would do.

1. Grow up (or not) and get married, start a family of my own. Raise my awesome children (2 boys and a girl) and give my family the world. Once my own children I have birthed are all grown up I want to adopt foster children (especially high school, I've heard that that's when it's the hardest) and raise them and help them get into college and be their awesome mom and be there for them and do something for these kids that had nothing.

2. Go to school. Forever. I love school. And learning, I could learn for forever. I'm such an inquisitive person, always asking questions, always. Sometimes just for the purpose of conversation, mostly because I'm intrigued, or confused, or I want to know more. Everything is just so interesting, I want to know it all.

So now what?
Who am I?

I'M JEAN VAL JEAN!!!!!!!!

lol Les Mis reference :) i hope someone in the world appreciated that.
But in all seriousness.
How does one even begin to find out ANY of this?
Personality quizzes online? Tried that...noooope.
Every online quiz I have taken just says, oh, you like cats, awesome, be an old cat lady.
I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE.
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING.
I WANT TO IMPACT SOMEONE'S LIFE.

The moon is the answer, the stars are my guide, but the night sky is covered with clouds tonight.

Lights, Camera, Action

And the drama begins. Throughout life, we live on the drama. We thrive on it; it is the bane of our existence. Where would we be if it weren't for the drama? Students are a prime example of this. Never, or rarely I should say, do students take the initiative to actually do their homework in a timely fashion. When it comes to online homework, deadline: 11:59 pm, students wait till 11 or even 11:30 to start. Oh you have to have a critical analysis over a whole book? So "I'll" probably start the book at around 9 pm the day before it'd due..... right, cause that makes a whole lot of sense. "I work best under pressure." That age old line is a load of B.S. We don't work better under pressure, we just love the drama of not knowing whether we're going to make it by the deadline or not. We love the stories we can tell because we were up all night writing this paper that was assigned a month ago.

How about gossip? Where is the fun  in that? Please let me know, because I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Who is gossip fun for? Definitely not the person being talked about, I know that for a fact, as I'm sure every girl on the planet does. And it's not fun for whoever has to put up with it either. People always seem to gossip about someone to the gossipee's friends. WHY. who does that even make sense to? You know they're just going to run over and tell Sarah or Jane or Kylie or whoever it might be. But why do we go tell Sarah or Jane or Kylie what Suzie Q. said???? We want the drama, we want to see the anger, the humiliation, the sorrow. We want to hear how Kylie hates Suzie because she stole her boyfriend and made out with every guy on the baseball team, we want to hear the evil secrets in return.

Every single day, i envision and create these new dramas in my head. They are my paranoid nightmares that I think will somehow, some way, come true, no matter how unrealistic they are. I see myself being taken, I see friendships being ruined, people thinking or talking bad about me when I'm trying to help. I see relationships breaking, I worry that what I am doing isn't good enough or that I am not good enough for people who have chosen to be a part of my life. They are there for a reason, yet I can't help but to expect that one day everyone will pick up and leave; I will be alone, with no support. These dramatics overtake my life.

Yes, there's the bad drama, but there is also good. Drama for entertainment. Real drama, not the made up/half real lives of stereotypical housewifes in some major city or amish children breakin out against their beliefs. We go to movies, we read books, for the drama too, for the adventure. To see superman smash through a brick wall and save the damsel in distress, to see the poor, disadvantaged young woman beat the odds and become a successful business woman, wife, whatever she aspires to be. We see inspirational drama. We live in the drama. Every day, actors all over the country and world pour their souls into this life of drama. They do it to inspire, to create, to show their passion, to feel, to love, to share a wonderful creation or story.

The drama of our lives controls us. It leads every decision we make. What will people think if I do this or that. Will I be able to pay that bill on time? Maybe I'll get fired for this but hey, i like to live on the edge. I guess, to an extent, drama can be good. It can inspire us and push us to be better, so long as we harness this good drama and remove the negative. Curtain up! It's time to get this show on the road!